'The Ninetieth Minute' is where you can let your hair down and basically rant on about a subject picked from the well researched list of topical and interesting subjects right at the cutting edge of football today (or it could be just whatever our ickle brain cells could muster on drowning our sorrows after the Saintees game). So, if you have a rant to rant, send it off to us at ninetiethminute@queenstrust.org The only thing we ask is that what you say is printable for a family audience!!
The Big Muckers |
| Aug 28 2006 |
This week it's referees and their big muckers the referees assistants. They are 'big muckers' aren't they. I mean, how many times do you actually see a Referees Assistant (henceforth referred to as a 'linesman') actually question a referees decision, or, indeed actually assist the referee?? When your star striker has just turned the last defender, left him for dead and is blatantly 'mollicated' to the ground, bringing the whole home support to its feet, in a communal outpouring of high blood pressure, you just know that when the referee waves play on, the linesman will have somehow made the flag he was on the verge of waving, disappear faster than a British 4 x 100 relay Gold medallist on a victory lap.
Why do they do that? Do they think that the ref might not talk to them all the way back home in the car after the game, or, worst nightmare, he might not get picked to run the line at next weeks East Stirling versus Elgin match.? For once, why not stand up to him. Say "Excuse me Mr Referee. Can't you see I'm waving my flag because I have spotted that it’s the third time this half that poor chap has been knobbled".? You just know it’s never going to happen and, as a result, the poor sod ends up getting verbal pelters for the rest of the game.
You wonder what the three of them talk about at half-time. Do they conjugate over who's the latest to be chucked out of Big Brother or is it more a relaxing, fawning session, more akin to "If I might say Sir, the way you're letting the game flow is a joy to behold". Perhaps they drink tea and play whist?
More likely they sit down for the umpteenth time trying to work out the 'new' offside rule. The old rules were pretty simple. Any opposing player beyond the last defender when the ball was played forward by a player from the same team was offside. Simple stuff.
Now the new rule seems to be dependant on whether the linesman wants a lie in next Saturday instead of going to Firs Park. The best bit is where a player is deemed to be 'not interfering with play', is therefore totally ignored, and the game goes on.
However, then said player then decides that 'I must be onside, as the whistle would have gone by now' and scuttles off after the ball. It's only when he touches the ball, rounds the keeper, dives to the ground pleading manslaughter, that the whist expert raises his flag and the game's a bogey. Instead of celebrating a winning penalty in the ninetieth minute, the crowd watch in horror as their star striker, who was booked in the first half for complaining about continually being scythed down, gets a second yellow for simulation.
The final whistle blows, the three men in black, shake hands, pat each other on the back, and start contemplating a cup of tea and a good old chinwag in the car on the way home. We fans, trudge home, wondering whether we've actually watched the same game, just praying that we’ll never see the 'muckers' again!
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